The poster (left) and Programme (below)
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The Dibley Parish Council: Owen (Luke Oates); Geraldine (Karina Farnlucher); Hugo (Jonathan Neil); David (Mike Pennick); Frank (Jo Smith) & Jim (Mark Spiller)

Alice (Rachel Spiller): "So, it could be someone in this room, or…"

Hugo (Jonathan Neil): "It's an advert"

Geraldine: "Hugo, I believe there's something you have to do"

Geraldine: "Houston, we have kiss-off!"

Geraldine: "I'm going to pop out. Be back in a while"

Owen: "What's this then?"

Geraldine: "They're speaking in tongues"

Owen: "I got that bit of pork stuck in my tooth last week"

Hugo: "Even more beautiful than the wonderful Madonna"

Owen: "I know I'm not much of a catch, but then you're not getting any younger yourself"

Geraldine: "Shut up Alice! I don't want to marry Owen"

Jim: "Show you the ropes!"

Geraldine: "I don't want to hurt his feelings"

Geraldine: "Now I'm thinking clearly"

Owen: "If there's one thing I can't stand it's a woman who drinks"

David: "If you continue to consort with that Tinker twerp, you will no longer be welcome in this house"

Alice: "No … question I've ever been asked has been easier to answer"

Geraldine: "To wed, Alice, not towed"

First epilogue. That's a hard one!

Geraldine: "With the arrival of baby Geraldine, I'd like to start a creche in the vestry"

Geraldine: "So how are you doing with the breast-feeding then?"

Alice: "We finally decided on Geraldine, Wendy, Nana, Peter Pan, Tinkerbell, Tiger Lily, Captain Hook, Crocodile Horton"

The Bishop of Mulberry (Martin Wellen) arrives.

Geraldine: "Can anyone tell me why you're having her baptised on Sunday?"

Geraldine is left holding the baby

…and greets the lady from the Council (Helen Coyte) with poo on her hands.

Geraldine: "I think you're going to be superb at this job"

Geraldine is watching the Jerry Springer Show…

…when David arrives to ask her, hypothetically of course, if he would ever have had a chance with her.

David is missing at the start of the next Parish Council meeting…

… but turns up late to propose to Geraldine.

In her dreams, Geraldine is to marry David.
Alice: "I was just thinking, in five minutes' time you're going to be my mother-in-law. And baby Geraldine's granny.
Good luck, Granny!"

But suddenly Sean Bean arrives at the door to save her!

Next morning Geraldine tells David she had a nightmare, and the wedding's off.

The bishop baptises baby Geraldine.

Back at the vicarage, Geraldine wishes the baby "health and happiness and bosoms the size of basketballs!"

Frank offers 'a little token of his affections' – hand-written copies that he's made of the minutes of the last thirty years of Council Meetings. Gripping stuff!

"Cheers!" And a quick curtain!

Second epilogue. God wouldn't miss, and he certainly wouldn't swear!

Curtain call.